Chelsea FC 25/26 Season Review: Lucky 7’s and New Horizons

By Adam Jamison

Bienvenidos a todos to the third installment of my ongoing discussion concerning BlueCo, Chelsea Football Club, and the consequences of their actions on my mental health… mostly joking about that last one, but I digress. I would once again be remiss to not begin by addressing the predictions from my previous article, in which I prophesied that both Chelsea and Strasbourg would qualify for the UEFA Conference league, leading to a forced divestment of BlueCo assets. As dour as that prediction seemed at the time, with both clubs comfortably in European places… yeah. My bad. I should’ve known that the midseason internal restructuring resulting in Strasbourg head coach Liam Rosenior being thrust into a position at Chelsea for which he was dreadfully unequipped would end unceremoniously, as both clubs finished firmly in the middle of their respective tables, outside of the European qualification places. Chelsea did however manage to get more points than the driving license of Wesley Fofana (52 to 50) which is more English competition than the likes of Man Utd participated in this season. I’d place that silverware on par with the Community Shield. Speaking of shielding communities, Todd Boehly would do well to hire Fofana a chauffeur.

We find ourselves at a bit of a crossroads– slight feeling of déjà vu here– where Chelsea could go in any direction. A new coach manager, star players receiving a full summer of rest for the first time in years, and an upcoming season where midweek games will be limited to domestic cup competitions; the sky is truly the limit, no?

For this wrap-up of Chelsea’s season, I was asked to, among other things, discuss relevant pain points. After this season as a Chelsea fan, I just call those points now. (pause for laughter, applause, tomatoes, etc.) And hey, speaking of points, (boos begin to ring out) let’s take a step back and see how things have changed in the time since my last article. Written on March 25th, just days after Chelsea’s 3-0 loss to Everton– Chelsea was in sixth place on 48 points. Certainly not ideal by any stretch of the imagination, but there were still seven games left in the league, along with a Wembley final to look forward to. Speaking of which, it would behoove me to mention at this point that as a Chelsea fan, finals at Wembley are not exactly the sort of thing that I “look forward to,” as it were. Mentally preparing for a Chelsea match at Wembley is like getting ready to go into the office after receiving a last minute meeting request with HR and your boss. Do you know what the outcome will be before going in? Yes. Are you still going to try to convince yourself that things will be fine before your hopes are crushed? …Maybe? Suffice it to say that Chelsea has since strengthened its hold on the record for most consecutive finals losses at Wembley (7). “Seven straight losses at Wembley, you’ll never sing that”– it’s got a nice ring to it, what can I say.

Anywho, onto the league results. At that point in the season, my thoughts regarding the run-in could most appropriately be described by the famous Mick McCarthy press conference quote: “It can’t go on like this, can it?”– “It can.” And it truly did. Just to fully illustrate the scene with 20/20 hindsight, let’s run through some numbers. There were seven matches left to play, and we now know that 54 points would have been enough to qualify for the Europa League, while 60 would have been enough to qualify for the Champions League (purposely ignoring the Conference League, forgive me). Chelsea only needed 6 or 12 points from their last 7 games in order to qualify for these competitions, respectively. Clearly, this did not happen. After losing another three matches (taking the total to five league losses in a row, for anyone keeping score at home), Liam Rosenior was finally shown the door by management; consider those men aged. With interim manager Callum McFarlane in charge, we managed to gain a whole four points from the last four matches. While yes, we did beat Tottenham (a lovely, timely reminder that things can always be worse), we also lost to Sunderland on the final day, a match that would have seen us qualify for the Conference League, had we managed to win it… and if my mother had wheels, she would have been a bike. In short, it was a season marked by what can only be described as sheer incompetence at every level, complete misalignment of ownership and team management, and an utter failure to live up to expectations.

Although complaining may in truth be a favorite pastime of mine, let’s now move onto the few exciting things that we can look forward to next seas- XABI ALONSO! OH MY GOD! To quote contemporary urban poet Meek Mill–“I used to pray for days like this.” I have not been this excited about a manager coming in since maybe Mourinho came back. I still cannot believe we’ve got him, and just as importantly, let’s all take a couple seconds to laugh at Liverpool (pause for laughter, nice change of pace). It’s a similar feeling to when Cesc Fàbregas joined Chelsea from Barcelona– he clearly preferred to join Arsenal, just as it was reported that Liverpool was Xabi’s preferred destination for obvious reasons, but both clubs passed them up, to the (hopeful) benefit of Chelsea. The appointment of Xabi Alonso almost makes me forget how utterly ridiculous BlueCo’s previous managerial appointments were, in much the same way that BlueCo’s emphasis on his role being “manager” instead of “head coach” almost makes me forget that last summer when Maresca asked for a centerback, the five (!) sporting directors opted to sign Gittens and Garnacho instead. The role of “manager” alludes to the idea that Xabi will have some influence over signings, but I imagine that in practice, that would manifest itself as the sporting directors letting Xabi choose which U-19 winger at the World Cup is his preferred one. I guess we’ll see. While on the topic of giving the Club’s ownership the most miniscule, infinitesimal modicum of credit, I’d also like to congratulate them for the slightest bit of self-reflection, as they said after sacking Rosenior that “... [they] will undertake a process of self-reflection to make the right long-term appointment.” And God damn, wouldn’t you know it, the mad lads actually went and did it. Don’t get me wrong, the squad is horrifically unbalanced– spending billions of euros to end up with the Chuckle Brothers (Garnacho and Delap) as your attacking substitutions speaks for itself– but, in this one instance, great job. For the first time in what feels like years, I actually don’t mean that sarcastically.

When it comes to the squad for next season, I’m equally (read: cautiously) optimistic. First of all, yes, it’s unfortunate for João Pedro, Cole Palmer, Levi Colwill, and Estêvão that they’ve not made their respective World Cup squads. I feel for them, as people. But as Chelsea players? I’m overjoyed that they didn’t make it. Palmer hasn’t had a summer of rest– which he desperately needs, if his lingering groin injury is any indication– for years (Euros, Club World Cup). Send the lad to St. Kitts and Nevis for the next two months, end of. Furthermore, the players already slated to arrive this summer are exciting as well– Geovany Quenda and Emmanuel Emegha as transfers, while Nicolas Jackson and Mike Penders return from loan. As somewhat of a Jackson apologist myself (in my best Willem Dafoe voice), if the arrival of him and Emegha means that I never have to see Delap in a Chelsea shirt ever again, it would be better than Christmas. I really want to believe that Xabi will find a perfect formation or tactical setup that allows all of Jackson, Pedro, Estêvão, and Palmer to all be on the field at once. Also, if Estêvão needs an extra hamstring or anything, I volunteer. For what it’s worth, I will not be dignifying the Enzo Fernández transfer rumors by discussing them here– feel free to file this one under either “wishful thinking” or “willful ignorance,” as you prefer. Is Enzo a bit of a nutcase? Absolutely, in almost every way possible, but he’s our nutcase.

If we zoom out a bit, the Premier League next season is shaping up to be an exciting one. A (hopefully) rebuilt Chelsea with an inspiring new manager, an ever-present Manchester City finding its footing in the post-Pep era, a resurgent Manchester United reminiscent of seasons past, an inconsistent yet wholly capable Liverpool on bald fraud watch, an unfortunately non-relegated Tottenham, and public enemy number one– reigning champions Arsenal. In some ways, the scene is set perfectly for Chelsea. Similar to Don Conte’s first season at Chelsea where we won the league by Conte famously being the first person in football history to utilize a three-at-the-back formation (humor me)... or maybe it was due to the fact that we didn’t have any European football to play, so the players were fully rested every week– regardless, I’m tentatively hopeful. We’ve got a full preseason with a new manager who’s a proven winner, with (mostly) fully rested players (praying for Caicedo’s hamstrings already), and no European midweek games to deal with. It’s the ideal scenario to comprehensively change the direction of the Club over the course of a season… but hey, it’s Chelsea we’re talking about. 

I gaze into my crystal ball, and I see the following:

Chelsea start the league flying, just long enough to get the fans to believe again. By Christmas, Xabi will have been strongarmed by all five sporting directors into implementing a revolutionary formation that somehow utilizes seven wingers (all under the age of 22), and he’ll leave by February. Or maybe we’ll win the league. Who knows, but that’s the whole point isn’t it? KTBFFH